Mortality is something that we all think about from time to time, especially as we get older. I'm fairly philosophical about it all now. Having gone through the initial fears of my condition and having had a couple of very close calls I've decided that the best course of action is to accept that if the worst happens at least I won't know too much about it. I've lived day to day and grown in strength and confidence about what is happening to me yet there is one area where I am struggling with and it came to the fore this week.
That is what will happen to my children when I'm gone?
My children range in age, the eldest is 27 the youngest is 11 and they all have their own identities and strengths and that is a great thing however I also know their frailties and that is where a parent takes ultimate responsibility.
On Tuesday I went to my Grandfather's funeral. I went because of duty, because of respect for my Father and my Uncle. I didn't go because of love. He wasn't a person who matched in any way the Grandfather I lost in 1976 but he was also not the person who had been described by my father. The reality is that I didn't really know him, This is not surprising as he never really wanted to know me.
When I left the funeral I headed over the Pennines to Liverpool to where my son is following in my footsteps in studying at the University. We met in the Guild of Students and we lunched there and I am so glad that we did.
Put simply he had just attended the funeral of his best friend's dad who had died as a result of an aneurysm. Put simply knowing my medical issues he was worried that he would lose me.
As I sat in the place where I had found the meaning of the word love I realised that he was scared and for a good reason even if he didn't know it.
I am obdurate they will have to nail me into my coffin yet my life and ultimately death impacts heavily on the lives of my children.And I worry. I worry that I have not done enough to help them get on in this shark infested world that we live in.
The motto of this story is simple,
When you go to sleep at night, if you have children, make sure that you have talked to them and that they are fully aware of the world in which we live. Make sure that they understand how duplicitous people can be and how they can protect themselves and their family. Make sure that they understand the difficulties that the will face should they decide to ride things out ,
Make sure that you have given them the tools for life and that they know without doubt that you love them.
I dare you to make the difference
